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about me
Let me tell you a secret.
Shh... |
talk to me
play me.
play you.
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memories |
More than words. <3
i wanna learn how to play the guitar now!
Saying I love you
In a blink of an eye, its the beginning of exams. That also means, in another blink of an eye, its going to be the end of the exams. And christmas holidays again. This year has gone by alot faster than last year seemed i think. Time flies, people say, when you have fun. Was this year really that fun? i dont know... every year, theres always ups and always downs. But something about this year, maybe it was a new stage of life, or maybe it was, well, you know. But something either was lacking, im not too sure anymore. It wasn't a bad year- i had good times. But have you ever felt that some 'good times' aren't meant for you? as in, technically, its someone elses "good times" but your just part of it - which kind of means you did have good times... but... can't exactly explain it in words but yeah. I got the blacktown job! i want to do blue ribbon too but somehow it seems a bit too much to do... and i have a feeling with my limitations in working hours i have a feeling i wont be hired for blue ribbon- owell. I wonder if a surprise will come my way before the end of this year? Sometimes when you hope too much, or think too much about one thing, it just doesnt happen. But when you're on the verge of giving up or, have a new goal of some sort, life just likes to play the "you dont want it anymore? cos here it is" game with us. not that in the end its bad since we kind of get what we wanted but the process of getting to giving up is pretty shitty. I wonder what this christmas, this new year would it be like. The christmas and NYs i had for the past two years were pretty different to one another, i wonder how different this time is going to be... lets hope for the best. And despite all emotions, i hope you dont happen all over again. Make a comment Permalink Sunday, November 08, 2009 
hehe <3
because its exam period i have a perfect excuse for not putting things into structure...
i went to the beach yesterday nite,! dont know which beach, but i will find out... one day. it was good. really good. i always wanted to go to a beach at night and just chill, relax, have fun... although it didnt happen as i expected my first time to a beach at night it was probably just as good or even better haha,
and i sorta did productive study today, finished all of hearing physics which wasnt too heavy but im glad i finished it. i swear lectureres should upload recordings more often...
my brain isnt funcitoning too well so i'll update spontaneously as it goessssssssss
YEAHHHHhH Make a comment Permalink Tuesday, November 03, 2009
stripper glitter! (bipolar evidence) <3
i hate feeling jealous.
but you know whats worse? feeling jealous along with the feeling that you shouldn't be feeling it. thats just some really contradictive shit that fcks with your head.
hm. i feel better now. i swear emotions are at extremities during exam period, its almost like my burst of PMS all came at once... bleh. back to worrrkkkkkkk. Make a comment Permalink Sunday, November 01, 2009
Life goes on. <3
The past will always be a collection of memories, we cannot modify the content, we cannot block these memories. They hold pain, they hold tears, they hold love, they hold hate, they hold everything that makes us who we are today.
Why then, she asks. Why do we keep looking back focusing on what we had. The future has so much potential to bring tears of laughter & contagious smiles. Why do we torture ourselves thinking of the 'what ifs' & the mistakes, or only embracing those glorious days, neglecting our present.
The accumulation of regret cannot attain happiness, just like the accumulation of memories cannot rewind time.
Life isnt a fairytale, she says.
But Life can be happily ever after if you allow it.
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She sits on the edge of the bench, & her mind starts rewinding, rethinking. Her eyes stare straight ahead, & her heart hears the gentle breeze. She no longer felt the strength, she imagined herself to have.
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Make a comment Permalink Thursday, October 29, 2009
meet me halfway. <3
I can't go any further then this I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you Meet me halfway, right at the boarderline Girl, i travel round the world and even sail the seven seas Can you meet me half way (i'll meet you halfway) Let's walk the bridge, to the other side Can you meet me half way (yup yup)
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being poor really sucks. and im sorry if i managed to cause outrage in some people when i said that. because when i say poor i dont mean poor to the point where im living on bark...it's more of the 21st century, teenager definition where poor means "no more money to satify my wants, although my needs are met." So yeah. im poor. That, and losing my concession card. And emailing the bus company but getting no reply.
That sucks. And paying a single adult ticket at $3.20 for like, 2 stops. seriously, why does the goverment give me YA but not give me a card to bypass the railway pricing because honestly, without my concession card, a BIG part of my YA goes to cityrail, and so if YA is supposed to keep me surviving, wth do i live on now? So i turn back to start selling stuff on ebay and realising everything i can sell wont make much. i need that job. I got a group interview for this christmas casual thing, and i have a goal to earn 1K during december. i just want to make that, dont particularly mind if i spend it as i go. i know its not "pay as i work the day" and it'll prolly be given to me 2 weeks or so later, i dont mind really. or maybe they could just give us another stimulus package because that would be...absolutly fantastic, 900 from the sky, literally. Also, been having them drink, laugh, sleep nites once in a while lately and its keeping me sane. Uni isnt exactly fun, its tedious, its brain work, and its just simply too bland for me. I still like the idea of living a double life, but if you can't have everything, then how are you meant to be everything? and besides, i think i'll get split personailty disorder before i successfully be good and bad all in one- i dont know if im happy to admit this but, im more of a good girl than bad. I guess in a way, it keeps me, realistic. And the other half just keeps me happy.
bought a pack of fake eyelashes from ebay, and if i like using it, then im going to start using that more than mascara, need to give my lashes a rest, and my face... too much make up... i tried to go to uni today with my face just with moisturiser, but i couldnt leave the house. i had to put a little foundation on to smooth out the skin tone before i had the guts to walk out == how can i let it breathe . i think im going to stay home or around my area to save transport money until the coming monday when i actually have cash inflow, gives me a reason to study, sorta. i need to pass, and do well. for some reason, this time round, im actually having a bit of doubts, is it because its getting harder, or am i just getting blank?
oh, and been in love with green tea lately <3 Make a comment Permalink Tuesday, October 27, 2009
i don't believe you. <3
I don't mind it
Make a comment Permalink Thursday, October 22, 2009
dreaming of you, thinking of me. <3
There’s a feeling I can’t express and it isn’t pain Palpitations in my chest that I can’t explain Baby you’re the cause and the cure Everything the doctor is for You’re the medicine For the state that I’m in My love prescription You make me weak in the knees You make me scream baby please Call the ambulance To check me in You hit me like a heart attack I never knew that love can knock me over like that Oh yes it did My feet, it started skipping and my heart started trippin’ When you walked into the room I wasn’t ready for no heart attack I never knew that love me knock me like that Somebody call the paramedic and tell em to get my room ready Just incase I can’t get over you Sometimes I swear im about to die Oh what can I take Cos this infliction that I got So hard to shake Baby you’re the cause and the cure Everything the doctor is for You’re the medicine For the state that im in My love prescription You made me weak in the knees You make me scream baby please Call the ambulance To check me in You hit me like a heart attack I never knew that love can knock me over like this When it did i… My feet, it started skipping and my heart started trippin’ When you walked into the room I wasn’t ready for no heart attack I never knew that love me knock me like that Somebody call the paramedic and tell em to get my room ready Just incase I can’t get over you 911 it’s an emergency Can you call em 911 bring the respirator I can’t breathe It hit me like a heart attack I never knew that love could knock me over like this My feet, it started skipping and my heart started trippin’ When you walked into the room I wasn’t ready for no heart attack I never knew that love could knock me over like that Somebody call the paramedics and tell em to get my room ready
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It'd be easier if there was someone else I know you tried but your heart Don't say a word I don't wanna hurt Just pretend it's not they end I know you tried but your heart I know it's no ones fault It's not right But i just cant make you love me _____________
_____________ You know, you know
You know that it's torture The sweetest words you whisper in my ear 'Cause you know what I wanna hear The way you hold me like it's something real 'Cause you know what I wanna feel It takes two to lie One to lie and one to listen Empty promises are wearin' thin Ohhh... Stop What you're doin' to me Stop Like an arrow through me Stop This is torture to me 'Cause it's gotta be all or it's nothing at all I'm tellin' you to stop This is torture to me You know that it's torture I lose control when you're touchin' me 'Cause you know what I really need But I need more than physicality So you know how it's gotta be It takes two to lie One to lie but I'm done listenin' If you're heart's half in it then we're finished Ohhh... Stop What you're doin' to me Stop Like an arrow through me Stop This is torture to me (Torture to me) 'Cause it's gotta be all or it's nothing at all I'm tellin' you to stop This is torture to me You know that it's torture Can't keep goin' through this Can't keep on leadin' me on Why you bein' so elusive? You're in or you're out There's no middle ground Ohhh... no It's killin' me, it's killin' me You know that it's torture (This is torture) It's killin' me, it's killin' me (It's killin' me) You know that it's torture I lose control when you're touchin' me 'Cause you know what I really need But I need more than physicality Ohhhh... Stop What you're doin' to me (Stop what you're doin' to me) Stop Like an arrow through me Stop This is torture to me (This is torture to me) 'Cause it's gotta be all or it's nothing at all (Ohhh...) I'm tellin' you to stop What you're doin' to me Stop Like an arrow through me Stop This is torture to me (Torture, torture, you know that it's torture) 'Cause it's gotta be all or it's nothing at all (Nothing at all) I'm tellin' you to stop This is torture to me (Torture to me) You know that it's torture It's killin' me, it's killin' me You know that it's torture (Know that it's torture) It's killin' me, it's killin' me (it's killin' me) You know that it's torture (Torture) It's killin' me, it's killin' me (This is torture to me) You know that it's torture It's killin' me, it's killin' me (This is torture to me) You know that it's torture
_____________ Make a comment Permalink Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Cruiser. <3
I'm lyin' here on the floor where you left me
______________ been kinda late out these few nites, a bit off scedule compared to the rest of the uni days. But i gotta say it does make all the stress and baggage lighter. Maybe it lasts just a nite. But sometimes a nite is all we need. Actually i've been hooked onto Keri Hilsons "Heart Attack" but i dont think i can find the lyrics so 'just like a pill' was my second choice. Old, but i recenttly heard it on Idol and rememberd i used to like it. I didnt realise the lyrics were repeated so much till i checked out the lyrics. Interesting. I like Pink's music. Its different. Quirky. Witty. and i guess what makes a song, THE song;; its Honest. I guess sometimes it does take experience. Without certain experiences, i dont think she would have been exactly the singer she is today. I've been in confliction again, In the beginning of the year i couldnt see myself as a speech pathologist. In the middle of the year i changed my mind, thinking i could, now im back to the beginning. I seem to be a bit too mathematical based-analytical type. Yeah, drank 4 bottles of cruisers yesteray. Didnt get drunk, not tipsy, just happy. Everything just seemed funnier. We dared to jump more, run more, laugh more. I never knew burwood had a place like that, but then again why would i? not many chances of me actually going there. It was funny cos the pro of drinking is well, getting higher. And the con would be the need to do natures business >_>...alot. it was funny though, it wasnt the first time, and probably definately wouldnt be the last. ha. Make a comment Permalink Friday, October 09, 2009
12AM. <3
Its a little past midnite. I've spent my whole day doing the stupid assignment. Used his stupid old assignment. Looked at his fucking name too long. When that adds up, eventually you get an emo old me sitting here. Then, what are that chances that on msn, hes never online, until today, right at the moment when u feel shit because of everything + him. So what do i do? nothing. which is smart. but stupid. i have no idea whats wrong with me atm. i need to VENT VENT VENT. im not even raging. im just simply emo. my stomach hurts too. kinda hoping itd be my rags. but i dont know. i need to breathe. or something. shit this is bad.
Make a comment Permalink Sunday, October 04, 2009
princess. <3
Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
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Recently, i've been having this obsession over make up. Not that i was always 'tom-boyish' about it. but you know, obsession and "really liking" is kind of different. Discovered two things. One thing about my personality. The second thing i discovered, a range of make up products and the prices they hang. Lets quickly go through what i realised about myself and then we'll delve deeply into my superficial side. I think i have my moments of arrogance. actually, i know i do. I mean sometimes i can be so low in esteem and confidence. However, there are times where i am so bloody cocky then when i think back to those moments i just want to stab myself. I realised that people dislike arrogance, not because it makes the arrogant person "better" its because the person who has to listen to the arrogance feels constantly stomped on. I can't control myself. At all. It just happens, and maybe because its in such small random moments, when i actually do have a spaz of some sort; its harder for those around me to handle it. Im sure people can handle the truth. But theres a difference between being able to handle, and also accepting. Its like seeing a usually very conservative school principal swear. Shock, somewhat dislike, but not yet shock till i jump off the cliff. That sort. im rambling arent i? needless to say, i dislike this newfound...(not really newfound... maybe i've rambled on it before.. i dont know.) side/aspect of me. but hey, its me. i wonder who i got it from... i wonder if i got it from my mom. funny cos i use it on her... which is slack if you think about it.. but if its part of genetics or some sort of "passing on" then its not really my fault i can't control my emotions. meh.
now. you see, i've been window shopping alot. And wanting alot of things. And when i checked my account balance one day, expecting more than 100 dollars there, i saw 50. First i was quite shocked, then i thought of really silly things. Then i went home to check transactions and realised holishit. i didnt buy alot of things, but money just seems to be spending itself somehow. I thought back to the shopaholic moments i've had, and honestly i think i had more money then. So i should really buy things instead of spending money on random, useless things that i dont even remember after a while.
Things i will buy SOON: Laneige multi-cleanser Lancome foundation brush (possibly...) MAC #187 (i cant believe this is so expensive! its a bloody brush, seriously!) MAC #231 MAC #217 MAC #266 EcoTools Brush set (possibly...) Stila #24 Stila #28
and then just alot of clothes, shoes and handbags. hah. i so need to win the lottery. And despite my light hearted post, i still have a depression assignment to run up. And then 3 other assignemnts to follow on while catching up for neuroscience and the others- esp. psychology. im going to die at the final exams. wish me luck maybe? i was happier talking about the possibility of me spending $837498327423 on things that i will probably get sick of very soon after purchasing despite their price. Thats pretty much life. Oh, and i watched "up" and "500 days of summer" while getting hooked on "Glee" and chasing up on "how i met your mother" and "House" new seasons. From Glee, i learned that life goes on, despite all lies, and miserable days, the sun still shines, the sky still rains, shit happens, and its not always that when a door shuts, a window happens. However, because glee is a tv drama. not only does a window open, they practically knock down the whole wall just to make this HUGE ASS door.
What i learnt from "Up" is that theres no such thing as not being able to live without your significant others presence. They might not be replaced, but it doesnt mean you dont form any more other relationships with people. not necessarily romantic relationships, but like, you know, sometimes a friend is enough. Sometimes. From 500 days of summer, i liked the twist at the end. well, should i call it a "twist"? meh. I found it weird how summer got married in the end, you know, so quickly and suddenly after the break up. but its a movie, so i guess dont question just accept? i only realised today that the guy was from 10 things i hate about you, hes so handsome *heart beats quicker*haha but it was a nice movie. not great, not awesome, just nice. From how i met your mother and house, i pretty much learned the same from all the above. simply no matter what happens, unless your dead, pretty much, life goes on whether you like it or not.
Oh i need to add to the want list- def gonna buy those false eyelashes.
She gently brushes the concealer over her scars. Her eyes focusing intently on the pigmentations that ruins her smooth, white skin. Her fringe fails to cooperate with her, continuously falling over her right eye. Fustration rises, but she doesnt add anymore force to her brush; shes almost done, it would be insanity to change anything and risk ruining her make up routine. The time on the clock passes much quicker than usual. Eventually, she applies the last product, just a quick swipe of lip gloss. She stares at her own reflection. The fringe again falls out of place. This time, seven years of bad luck on the way. Make a comment Permalink Thursday, October 01, 2009  |